Recovery Journal: Courage and Success

As a child you are afraid unless well cared for, loved, treated well. Once you are an adult, you must be the one caring and loving yourself and others. These are the skills good nurture provide you with, and they make the road to adulthood an easy,enjoyable, comfortable journey, and process.

If you weren’t loved, cared for or nurtured as a child, you are delayed in this simple, essential human process, because you had to deal with what you are given, a constant, ominous fear. You have no time or ability to love and care, to think or learn. You have only the ability to ease the fear, and evade its constant glare.

Without adult’s or world’s attention, guidence, and help, you are easily overwhelmed, and much limited by the resultant high level stress, confusion, trauma. It is like a constant roaring, occasionally screaming noise in your head, and soul. It asks for peace, it asks for self hatred and destruction. It is the voice of abuse, bullying, shame. It is the only voice you know, hear, and just like that, your mind, soul, heart and the road to healthy, happy adulthood is stolen from you.

Bullying and abuse are the tools. Jealousy, envy, hate and fear are the feelings you begin to know, expect, try to understand. They are all you know, and there is no way to get past them. There maybe ways, but you aren’t given or taught any. After a childhood spent lost, you eventually give up, and give in, and you end up paying the price. It all seems fine, because it is all you know. It becomes comfortable to you, your comfort. You spend your life losing, suffering, hurting others and yourself, and dying, and have no way out because no questions make sense, no other roads seem real, no other way possible. You are losing, and dying because that’s all you were taught. You were never taught to live, how to live. All things can be taught, and all things must be learnt.

If you survive, to recover, you will have to come to realize the feeling and truth behind the actions, and to face your fears fully. The truth is fearsome because people may have hated or hate you, tried to end, destroy, harm or even kill you. Or they just didn’t care. Its a frightening view of your life, but unless you realize it’s your life, not you that was the problem, you will never be able to summon the courage needed to fight, continue, work, suffer to reach your goals.

Courage is facing your potential, your gifts, yourself. It will give you all the strength you need, and all the missing ability to understand your foes, your problems, your past, your pain. Growing up is not running away from it all, it is understanding it, committing to understand it, as it is who made you who you were, are and from which, your true self will emerge.

If you reach this point of understanding, you are probably in the final stages of your recovery journey. Congratulations. Now comes the fun part. Getting to know yourself, letting yourself play, be, grow up, feel. Letting it all out, and breathing all that peace, and relief back into your heart and soul. This is when you first begin to smile, not only with your mouth, but with your heart, and soul. This is when happiness becomes a part of you and you no longer have to fear and worry. When your mind can think, grow up and be free. Its the point of healing, the triumphant end to your journey home. Its where you’ll find wholeness,wellness, joy, balance and strength, your emotional health and heart’s well being.

Being special, gentle, exceptional, honest, kind, innocent, sinless, good is scary in a world that lies, envies, covets, steals, schemes and destroys. But being nothing, for no one, not even yourself is a lot more scary than all of that, and that is what you will do, and become if you listen to the fears and hate, and refuse to let yourself get better, to grow up. You can, you must, and all you need is to so, is to love. Give, seek and find love within, and without. You have the power. You just must say yes, and give it a try.

Growing up is all about finding and using your courage. Finding it, when you were taught you never had it, is harder but possible. Find it, use it and share it. It is all we are, can be and need. It is all there is in the darkness, all that can make sense of the light. It is all we really need, as it is the root, soul and heart of true, helpful, healing love.

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