Recovery Journal: This I Am

( Written in response to being without data for almost a whole day due to outages. And being completely messed up by it all.)

I worry about losing myself again, so I worry about losing my stuff (online journals, writing, notes, materials). If my tools for protecting my stuff are threatened, I feel threatened. That’s why internet problems are so upsetting, troubling for me.

I am like a doll in the box still, recovered, recycled, and discovered a treasure after years of misuse. I prepare, fret, worry as it my purpose to be bought and treasured. Alone on the self, with dark memories as well. This is where I am in my heart, and spirit. I don’t know what to do to make the fears subside, what to do to make my dreams come true. I don’t know yet but I can learn, share, give and take. So the answer, for me, like all answers, is out there.

I am taking this journey one step at a time. Its very painful at times but its worth it. All I have to lose is pain, heartache and loss. I can only fail if I give in, give up and stop trying.

Today, after crying out my fears at life’s petty annoyances, I finally heard the voice of my heart. It understands where my mind seldom goes. It let me see what my fears keep safely from view.

Una Rose

April 2013

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